Five Ways To Tactfully End Relationships That Hold You Back Forbes Leadership Collective

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As you progress in business, some relationships stop serving you and can even sabotage your ultimate success. Top achievers and members of The Oracles share how to cut ties while minimizing the blowback.

1. Remember that rejection is a learning tool.

I’ve received hundreds of rejections from potential investors. I learned a lot from every “no” and applied these lessons to improve my strategy and my pitch deck. Eventually, it became strong enough to attract the right partners because of all that input.

Giving rejection is always hard, but the best thing you can do is to make it a learning experience for the other person. A rebuff that’s delivered like feedback, and tempered with tact, can be valuable for the other party. —Melanie Perkins, co-founder and CEO of Canva, which is valued at over a billion dollars
The Oracles is an invitation-only brain trust of the world's leading entrepreneurs sharing their best success strategies. Interested in joining? Apply here.

2. Be direct, decent and concise.

I’ve had to terminate employment with high-level executives whom I considered to be dear friends. In most situations, I’ve been able to maintain those relationships. I’ve even done business with some of them afterward.

Relationships that are no longer meaningful should be ended in a decent and human way. In this age of social media, the easy route is to skip direct dialogue and send an email bearing the bad news — or worse, a text. Written correspondence is subjective and may not be received with the intention you sent it. Whenever possible, let the other party know over the phone or in person.

Also, be as concise as possible. Avoid getting into a lot of explanation. More often than not, the less said, the better — from both a personal and legal perspective. Using a phrase like, “It’s just not working out for me,” is much better than recounting past pains. All relationships involve feelings and affect others. Your goal is not to burn a bridge, as relationships may need to be reignited in the future. —Gail Corder Fischer, Executive Vice Chairman of Fischer & Company, a leading global corporate real estate firm that provides consulting, brokerage and technology solutions

3. De-prioritize unproductive relationships.

When I started my real estate career after college, I quickly realized that the demands of my job were different than those of my peers’ jobs. If I wanted to succeed, I had to accept that my schedule, focus and priorities were different from theirs. I had to distance myself from friends who were no longer aligned with my direction.

Fortunately, it doesn’t require “breaking up” to make a change unless it’s a romantic or professional relationship — but it does require awareness. Most unproductive relationships exist because they were once important, but never “deprioritized.” They’ve remained a part of your life by default, not by choice.

Take an inventory of your most healthy and productive relationships. Create buffers, boundaries and rules around casual relationships that aren’t constructive. Learn to say “I’d love to, but I can’t” to people who don’t support the life you’re building. —Shaun Rawls, lifelong entrepreneur, founder and CEO of Rawls Consulting

4. Limit your interactions and redirect your energy.

When severing a counterproductive or even toxic relationship, start by creating space between you and the other person. Any relationship, including a toxic one, requires two people to participate. The sooner you change your response to a colleague's destructive behavior, the quicker they will look for a new outlet.

Practice conversations in your head so you’re prepared to respond. Role-play in front of a mirror or aloud in the car on the way to work. Your responses can be as simple as, "I need to stay focused on this task," or "I'm not available for lunch," or "No, thank you.”

However, one caveat to consider is that not every uncomfortable relationship is toxic. If based on trust and respect, relationships that challenge us or cause discomfort are an opportunity for growth. Value these relationships, and they will propel you in the right direction. —Eileen Rivera, CEO of The Rivera Group; real estate coach, speaker, and licensed California realtor with over half a billion in sales

5. Use a script.

The challenge of ending relationships is we often still care deeply about the person we have to cut off. But remember that your environment is your destiny. Hang out with ducks and you’ll become a duck. Hang out with eagles and you'll soar.

I’ve tested multiple scripts for these situations. Here’s what I’ve found to be most effective: "Hey! I've been struggling with something and really need your support. My struggle is that I've been working so hard for others that I've neglected myself. So if a while passes and you don't hear from me, that's why. Thank you for your support!"

This way, you're putting yourself first (which you should) and you're no longer enabling their negative behavior. Plus people can change and evolve so you're not burning the bridge. Don't delay the inevitable, try sending this message now so you can move forward. —Jason Capital, White House top 100 entrepreneurs under 30, bestselling author, high-income coach, online marketing expert, and founder of High Status; connect with Jason on Instagram
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